The Loneliest Seat in the Sanctuary

“Two are better than one… If either of them falls, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.”—Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (NIV)

He was well-known, widely respected, and prepared to go on stage to speak. Backstage, he turned to me and quietly shared:

“These people know who I am, but they do not truly know me. I’m surrounded by crowds, yet I feel so alone.”

It wasn’t the first time I heard such a raw and honest confession of loneliness from a minister. But his painful acknowledgment served as a reminder that even “apparently successful ministries” aren’t immune to the pain that loneliness causes. 

Ministers are often seen walking the hospital hallways, sitting across coffee tables, speaking to full rooms, and managing busy schedules of appointments with those who need to see them. Although surrounded by people, it’s easy to be perceived—even admired—but not truly seen.

In my years caring for the souls of pastors, leaders, and learners, I notice the growing ache that few are willing to openly express: “I feel so alone!”

Ministry can be extremely lonely.

You’re surrounded by people but remain unseen. You faithfully serve yet often feel unsupported. You listen to everyone—but who listens to you? You love those you’re called to serve, but sometimes feel as if no one truly knows who you are. 

Does this sound familiar?

Isolation isn’t just emotionally painful — it’s spiritually dangerous. Just ask Elijah. 

After a high point of his ministry on Mount Carmel, Elijah finds himself under a broom tree, exhausted and hopeless.

“I have had enough, Lord,” he says. “Take my life… I am the only one left.” (1 Kings 19:4,10). 

I can’t count how many times in my ministry I’ve said, “I’m done … I’ve had enough.” Maybe you can relate. Ministry at its best is tough. Jesus knew that becoming His disciple would require a life of commitment, not convenience.

Though Elijah felt lonely, he wasn’t alone. 

Loneliness distorts reality and convinces us that we are the only ones carrying the weight. However, God is gentle in his response to Elijah. He refuses to rebuke or chastise His servant for being tired. Instead, He nourishes him, speaks to him gently, and reminds him that thousands haven’t bowed to Baal.  

The lesson? God knows the human soul is not meant to carry leadership alone.

Jesus Didn’t Walk Alone

John Cassian’s writings profoundly shaped Western monasticism. He warned that isolation often leads to spiritual deception and pride. “It is better for us to live in community, so that we are always under the eyes of the brethren, and thus are more careful about our thoughts and actions.” – John Cassian, Conferences, Conference 2.10. 

Even Jesus—the sinless Son of God—doesn’t do ministry alone. He also knows the loneliness that comes with ministry. He forms an inner circle, confides in His disciples, and asks them to watch and pray with Him in Gethsemane. 

“My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me” (Matthew 26:38).

So, here’s my question: “If Jesus insisted on companionship in His most vulnerable moments, why do so many ministry leaders insist on carrying their burdens in isolation?”

Isolation Is Dangerous

Growth in Christ needs mutual encouragement, correction, and community life. Basil the Great, an early Church Father, understood this risk:

“To live in solitude is to risk falling into error. No one can truly progress in virtue alone” — Long Rules, Preface

The burden of loneliness can be harmful.

• Depletion accelerates—because you’re running on empty with nowhere to recharge.
• Discouragement intensifies—because you have no one to speak life back into you.
• Temptation grows— because secrecy replaces confession and grace. 

Gordon MacDonald once said:

“One of the greatest challenges for spiritual leaders is maintaining a handful of relationships where nothing needs to be hidden.” ¹

Isolation isn’t a sign of strength; it’s often the slow unraveling of the soul. 

Practicing Renewal in Relationship

If you’re feeling alone and isolated in ministry, here are three ways to discover a soul-nurturing connection:

1. Name It 

Start by recognizing that you “feel alone.” Acknowledging your loneliness doesn’t show weakness—it shows honesty, and that’s the first step toward healing.

2. Find a Soul Companion

Build relationships with people who don’t seek your leadership—trustworthy and confidential individuals willing to listen. This could include a spiritual director, a trusted mentor, or a ministry peer.

3. Create Relational Rhythms

Block time on your calendar for connection: meet a trusted friend for coffee, schedule regular check-ins with a mentor, or retreat quarterly with a peer group that nurtures your soul.  

Community doesn’t just happen—it takes effort to build. But it’s worth it. 

You’re Not Meant to Do This Alone

Here’s another question: You might be the one who holds space for others—but who’s holding space for you?

Ministry can feel lonely, but it doesn’t have to stay that way. God doesn’t ask you to carry the weight of leadership alone. He’s always inviting us back to community, to companionship, and to the kind of presence that nourishes and sustains our souls. 

Reflection 

• Where in my life do I feel most alone in leadership?

• Who do I talk to about my own fears, failures, or questions?

• What step can I take this week to invite spiritual companionship into my life?

______________

Footnote

1. Gordon MacDonald, Ordering Your Private World (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 2017), 139.