The Spiritual Power of “No”

“Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed. Simon and his companions went to look for him, and when they found him, they exclaimed: ‘Everyone is looking for you!’ Jesus replied, ‘Let us go somewhere else…’” —Mark 1:35–38 (NIV)

Early in my ministry, I did not realize how often I said “yes.”

I mistakenly believed that, as a servant minister, saying “yes” always meant faithful service. After all, hasn’t Jesus called us to serve others? However, my eagerness to respond to every request—without prayer or reflection—created chaos in my calendar—and my soul! 

In those early years, I didn’t mind burning the “midnight candle.” But even a candle has limits.

I started to notice that the joy of ministry was fading, and I was intentionally arriving late and leaving early to avoid anyone asking me, “Pastor, could you do this…?” Saying yes to another meeting or event, a last-minute counseling session, or a new request from a well-meaning parishioner was more than I could handle.  My love for people was gradually turning into resentment.

I failed to see that my flame was almost extinguished!

Recognizing the Signs

Do you ever feel like you’re letting someone down, no matter what you do? Are you noticing:

• You’re not getting enough rest.
• You feel resentment when your phone rings.
• The joy you once experienced has been replaced by guilt, pressure, and fatigue.

 This is what boundary failure looks like, and it can lead to burnout faster than you think. 

Boundary Failure

Boundaries are meant to protect us. When we don’t set “healthy ones,” our limits blur, and exhaustion follows. This happens when people (or systems) don’t recognize or respect personal space, roles, or responsibilities. Without boundaries, distinctions fade and interactions become messy. ^⁠1 

Dr. Henry Cloud discusses the effects of failing to set and maintain personal boundaries: depression, resentment, passive-aggressive behavior, codependency, identity confusion, masochism, and persistent guilt or feelings of over-responsibility^{⁠. 2}. 

The Ministry of “No”  

We don’t often associate Jesus with the word “no”—but we should.

In Mark 1, Jesus gets up early to pray, separating Himself from the crowd’s demands. When His disciples find Him, excited by His growing popularity, they say, “Everyone’s looking for you!”

Their message?  “You’re in high demand—it’s time to seize the moment, ride the wave. Let’s not waste this opportunity!” 

However, Jesus—focused on prayer and purpose—refuses to be swayed by popularity. He says: “Let’s go somewhere else…That is why I have come” (v. 38).

Jesus chooses to say no to something good so He can say yes to something essential. 

Pete Scazzero writes,

“Jesus was not selfless. He did not live as if other people’s needs were more important than His own. He knew His mission and did not let people or even the needs of a broken world define Him.” ^⁠3

Jesus demonstrates spiritual leadership with boundaries. He knows that limits safeguard our calling—and mission. 

When Ministry Becomes a Trap of “Yes”

Whether you are a pastor, leader, or learner—it’s easy to say yes for the wrong reasons:

• Fear—worrying about disappointing others.
• Guilt—an overwhelming feeling that we’re not doing “enough.”
• Pride—enjoying the feeling of being needed.
• False Belief—assuming that saying yes equals love.

But over time, constantly saying yes becomes a silent burden. You lose your balance. You forget your why. You confuse the urgent with the important.

John Mark Comer provides a blunt assessment of the modern church leader:

“If the devil can’t make you sin, he’ll make you busy. There’s truth in that: both sin and busyness have the same effect—they cut off your connection to God, to other people, and even to your soul.” ^⁠4

That’s the tragedy of boundary failure—you give away pieces of yourself until nothing is left.

The Courage to Set Boundaries

Boundaries in ministry are not selfish—they are acts of stewardship. 

Basil the Great once said, “To serve others well, one must first learn to govern the self.”^{⁠ 5}

You are not infinite; only God is. By honoring your limits, you create space to:

• Hear from God
• Reignite your purpose
• Love from a rested, complete place

Boundaries aren’t just for self-protection; they are about safeguarding—and sustaining—your soul for the long term.

Practicing Renewal with Boundaries

Here are three ways to reclaim healthy limits in ministry:

1. Conduct a Time Audit

For one week, track how you actually spend your time. Where are you overcommitted? What activities drain you without bearing fruit?

2. Clarify Your God-Given Purpose 

When you understand your calling, it becomes easier to identify what you’re not meant to do. Ask: What unique contribution is God inviting me to make in this season?

3. Discover the Spiritual Power of “No”

Practice saying no with kindness and confidence. A gentle no to others can be a true yes to God.

You’re Not Called to Do Everything

You’re not the Messiah. You’re a messenger. 

You’re not the whole body; you’re just a part of it. 

You’re not meant to say yes to every need—only the ones God gives you.

And that means embracing your God-given limits.

Remember: You are not less loving for setting boundaries—you are more available to love well. 

Reflection Questions

• Where am I saying yes out of guilt, fear, or pride?
• How can I align my schedule with my calling?
• What is one boundary I can set this week to protect my soul?

_________________

Footnotes

1.“Boundary Dissolution,” in International Encyclopedia of Marriage and Family, 2nd ed., edited by James J. Ponzetti, Jr. (New York: Macmillan Reference USA, 2003), https://www.encyclopedia.com/reference/encyclopedias-almanacs-transcripts-and-maps/boundary-dissolution.

2. Henry Cloud, “Symptoms of Failure to Set Boundaries, Part 1,” Boundaries Blog, Boundaries Books, October 30, 2018, https://www.boundariesbooks.com/blogs/boundaries-blog/symptoms-of-failure-to-set-boundaries-part-1.

3.  Peter Scazzero, The Emotionally Healthy Leader (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2015), 22.

4.   John Mark Comer, The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry (Colorado Springs: WaterBrook, 2019), 20.

5.  Basil the Great, Longer Rules, Rule 3.6.