Why Intimacy With Jesus Can Feel Frightening

Here’s an honest confession: The word intimacy used to frighten me. 

And I don’t believe I’m the only one who squirms a little when they hear it. Perhaps it’s because we lack understanding of what it means to be intimate. Possibly it’s because our life experiences have taught us to guard ourselves from potential disappointment and harm from others.  

For many, the idea of intimacy with Christ can feel unfamiliar, uncomfortable, or even terrifying. It’s not that we don’t love Jesus or that we don’t desire to follow Him.  We want to serve Him… yet the invitation to be close to Him stirs so many questions:

Is this biblical?

Is this emotionalism?

Is this too mystical?

Is this… safe?

Some fear getting “too close,” as if intimacy with Christ might drift toward New Age practices or unbiblical spirituality. Others have been shaped by traditions that emphasize doing for God but rarely sitting with Him. Others simply worry they won’t “feel anything,” so they quietly keep intimacy at a distance.

And here’s a deeper fear that many never voice: “What will Jesus think of me when He already knows what I’ve done… or am doing?”

Hiding can feel safer. Distance can feel protective. But Scripture paints a different picture—one of fearless love and joyful union. John writes: 

“There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear…” (1 John 4:18, ESV)

That’s great news for those of us who prefer distance above union. 

God does not invite us into intimacy to overwhelm us, confuse us, or shame us. He invites us because intimacy is the very heart of salvation. Intimacy is the experience of being deeply known and deeply loved.

So, if intimacy feels intimidating, where do we begin? Scripture answers with a single theme woven through the New Testament: union with Christ.

Union With Christ: The Center of the Christian Life

One of the most repeated phrases in the New Testament is “in Christ.”

• We are chosen in Christ (Eph. 1:4).
• We are new creations in Christ (2 Cor. 5:17).
• We are complete in Christ (Col. 2:10).
• We are alive in Christ (Eph. 2:5).
• And Paul prays we would “know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge” so we may be “filled with all the fullness of God” (Eph. 3:18-19).

This is the language of union—God’s presence not only with us, but within us.

The early church fathers understood this well.

Gregory of Nyssa described the Christian life as a continual movement deeper into God’s love: “The soul becomes most like God when it rests in Him.” ¹

Union, for Gregory, wasn’t an optional upgrade for a few mystics—it was the goal of the Christian life.

Dallas Willard echoes this beautifully:

“Spiritual formation in Christ is the process of transforming all essential dimensions of the self so they increasingly possess the character of Jesus.” ²

Transformation flows out of union—not isolation. The fruit of intimacy is Christlikeness. 

Intimacy Isn’t Emotional Excess — It’s Biblical Faith

Some fear that intimacy with Jesus is a drift into emotionalism. But biblical intimacy is not rooted in emotion; it is rooted in love, trust, and presence.

Think of the metaphors Scripture uses:

• Vine and branches (John 15) — union
• Shepherd and sheep (John 10) — closeness
• Bridegroom and bride (Eph. 5) — covenant love
• Friends (John 15:15) — shared life
• Children and Father (Rom. 8:15) — secure affection

Every image stresses connection, nearness, and an unbroken relationship. These metaphors are meant to reassure us: intimacy with Jesus is not something strange. It’s the normal language of Scripture.

Biblical intimacy is:

• Not emotional indulgence
• Not mystical escapism
• Not vague spirituality
• Not self-focused

Biblical intimacy is:

• Rooted in Christ
• Anchored in Scripture
• Shaped by love
• Expressed through trust
• Grounded in the incarnation
• Empowered by the Holy Spirit

Intimacy is not something to fear—it is something to embrace.

Barriers That Keep Us from Drawing Close

It’s been said: Sometimes the greatest distance between Jesus and us is only a few inches—between the head and the heart. Many of us long for closeness with Jesus, yet we carry inner barriers that keep us from responding to His invitation:

1. Shame — “I’m not worthy of closeness.”

But Scripture says we are already “accepted in the Beloved” (Eph. 1:6).

2. Fear — “What if I don’t feel anything?”

God doesn’t measure intimacy by emotion but by openness.

3. Misunderstanding — “Isn’t intimacy unbiblical?”

No—intimacy is woven through Scripture.

4. Busyness — “I don’t have time.”

Intimacy shows up in five-second moments of awareness.

5. Self-reliance — “I’m supposed to stay strong.”

Jesus invites us into His strength, not our own.

These barriers are not signs of weak faith; they are simply places where God desires to meet us. 

A Personal Word: Moving From Fear to Trust

I’ve met many believers—pastors included—who quietly confess, “I’m not sure I know how to be close to Jesus.” There’s no shame in that confession. It’s an honest confession. And honesty is often the doorway into a deeper relationship with Him.

Intimacy with Jesus doesn’t begin with confidence. It begins with consent—a simple yes to His love.

Not a perfect yes.

Not a courageous yes.

Not a dramatic yes.

Just a willing yes: “Lord, here I am.”

Resting in Love: The Pathway to Fearless Intimacy

Fear fades not when we become stronger, but when we become more loved. 

Paul’s prayer in Ephesians 3:16-19 shows us that knowing the love of Christ is the foundation of spiritual maturity. God’s love does not wait for our performance or perfection. The more deeply we root ourselves in God’s love, the more intimacy becomes:

• natural,
• safe,
• joyful,
• transformative.

Fear loses its grip when love becomes our home. Union with Christ means this: You are fully loved, fully known, and fully held—right now.

Not when you feel holy.

Not when you’ve prayed enough.

Not when you’ve worked hard enough.

Not when you’ve earned it.

You are held because Christ has chosen to hold you.

Every Intimate Moment Is an Invitation

Intimacy doesn’t happen only in long prayers or quiet retreats. It happens in:

• A whisper: “Jesus, I trust You.”
• A breath: “Lord, be near.”
• A moment of surrender: “Here I am.”
• A tear, a smile, a pause of gratitude.

Intimacy is not something we work up. It is something we wake up to. 

And Christ is always the One who wakes us. 

An Invitation to Go Deeper

1. What fears or misconceptions keep me from drawing closer to Jesus?

2. Do I believe that Jesus desires closeness with me? Why or why not?

3. Where have I recently sensed Christ inviting me deeper into trust?

4. How might I rest more fully in God’s love this week?

__________

1. Gregory of Nyssa, The Life of Moses, trans. Abraham J. Malherbe and Everett Ferguson (New York: Paulist Press, 1978), 115. 2. Dallas Willard, Renovation of the Heart: Putting On the Character of Christ (Colorado Springs: NavPress, 2002), 22.