Why Is Everyone’s Vineyard More Attractive Than Mine?

“They made me keeper of the vineyards, but my own vineyard I have not kept.” —Song of Songs 1:6b (ESV)

Most in ministry recognize the importance of rhythm: prepare, preach/teach, lead, shepherd, pray, plan, care, respond—repeat.

We’re also aware of how “life” continually disrupts our flow. 

As servant ministers, we are present for others—offering encouragement, wisdom, and strength. But over time, you may notice a quiet shift inside: joy fades. Fatigue lingers. Prayer feels dry. Yet, you press on.  

Why? Because ministry is urgent work, and people need you. I’m confident that, as a pastor or church leader, you care for the souls of others. 

But here’s a question I want you to answer: Are you nurturing your own soul? 

The Vineyard You Forget

The woman in Song of Songs offers a haunting confession: “They made me keeper of the vineyards, but my own vineyard I have not kept.”

I’ve listened to many pastors and leaders who (in their own words) reflected that same sentiment: “Everyone wants me to care for their vineyard—but mine doesn’t feel attractive or fruitful anymore.” 

Because we care, we are inclined to tend to the spiritual lives of others while neglecting our own. It’s subtle, even noble-sounding. After all, “It’s not about me—it’s about them.” But the irony is devastating. If your own soul is withering, the fruit you offer will eventually dry up, too.

Ruth Haley Barton writes, 

“When leaders neglect their own souls, they run the risk of operating out of an empty well… leadership becomes a series of tasks driven by performance, pressure, and weariness rather than a deep place of spiritual abundance.” ¹

Does that sound familiar?

Jesus Knows How to Retreat

Jesus, the most “other-centered” leader in history, consistently makes time for solitude, silence, and communion with the Father. He doesn’t wait until He is depleted—He practices soul care as a rhythm of life.

In Luke 5:15–16, after an explosion of ministry activity, we’re told:

“Great crowds gathered to hear him and to be healed… But he would withdraw to desolate places and pray.”

The Greek implies this is a habitual action of Jesus. He regularly retreats because he knows: soul care isn’t selfish—it’s essential!

If Jesus needed space to be replenished, how much more do we?

The Soul You Carry

Ministry doesn’t just demand our time—it demands our presence. But we can’t offer what we haven’t received. Ministry drawn from a dry soul becomes mechanical and strained. The danger isn’t just burnout—it’s bitterness, disillusionment, even cynicism.

Dallas Willard once said,

“The most important thing you do is who you become.” ²

That’s true for every believer—but it’s especially true for those entrusted with shepherding others. So how do we begin to attend to our own vineyard again?

Practicing Renewal

Here are three soul-care practices that nurture inner health and deepen your life with God:

1.  Establish Sacred Space

Designate time each day—even just 15–20 minutes—to be with God in silence, Scripture, and unhurried prayer. Not to prepare sermons, but to receive life.

2.  Create a Personal Rule of Life

A Rule of Life is a rhythm of spiritual practices that aligns your soul with your values. Include sabbath, rest, silence, community, and embodied practices like walks or journaling.

3.  Pursue Soul Companionship

Find a spiritual director, mentor, or peer group where you’re not the leader—but the one being seen, heard, and held in prayer.

Ministry Without Soul Care Is Unsustainable

Your soul matters. Not just because of what you do—but because of who you are. You are not a ministry machine. You’re a beloved child of God.

Neglecting your soul might feel noble. But over time, it’s devastating. Here’s good news: No matter the condition of your vineyard, you can start tending it today. 

So, start tending your vineyard today.

Reflection Questions

• What signs reveal when my soul is running on empty?
• Do I regularly meet with God just to be with Him—not to prepare or produce?
• What’s one small habit I can begin this week to care for my own soul?

_________________

Footnotes

1. Ruth Haley Barton, Strengthening the Soul of Your Leadership: Seeking God in the Crucible of Ministry (Downers Grove: IVP Books, 2008), 26.
2. Dallas Willard, quoted in John Ortberg, Soul Keeping: Caring for the Most Important Part of You (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2014), 33.